Patience

so yeah i guess i'll blog about the love/social life since i think that's what people usually want to know about... who really cares if i had a big extra mcdeal sandwich for lunch today?... that's right... no one! what have i been up to? well i've been to the movies a lot! i went out with my highschool friends to see spanglish right before christmas break was over.

i went out with ottawa boy (who is now back at waterloo so he's not in ottawa anymore) on a saturday... we had dinner and afterwards went to see closer. then we walked back to my place so that he could warm up... it was so cold that night. but yeah we were talking about our weird little relationship... i think we are still testing what the boundries are on where we stand and what we mean to eachother. he's said to me before in our chatts that he's not the type to cheat on his girl. and when he went clubbing in ottawa once he said don't worry i wont cheat on you. but this time asks me if i think he would cheat on me... and then all i can think is if he did see someone else, would it really be cheating? because wouldn't you have to feel some level of commitment to me if you were to technically "cheat" on me? so what did i say to him? i said i expect guys to cheat on girls because they aren't commited because guys have done it before... not neccessarily him tho... and as i was saying this and rambling on and on i was thinking... what are you saying to him.. why are you saying this... i was failing to express waht i really ment. so it bugged me all week that maybe i insulted him... maybe he got a different meaning of what i said that night than what i intended to say. so i wrote him a message blabbering on again and i thought i scared him because i had obviously been thinking about it way too much and he's always telling me not to over analyze our relationship. sometimes i don't think i'm special to him but then i question is that me thinking i'm not speical to him or is it really that i'm just not that special to him? i think about this too much. i wonder what part of me wants to just label this relationship and why this label is so important to me.. it changes nothing about how we act with eachother but somehow defining it makes it "better". so i started to vocalize this feeling that he's not into me any more and that i had a feeling that that was the last time he's ever gonna come see me or talk to me or think of me. but then i talked to my guy friend and he said that maybe i'm just being impatient... and then i had this new thought... maybe this is how it is supposed to be... i mean since my other relationship was such a wirlwind, maybe this is the pace that most relationships travel at... maybe this is a time of interest without commitment that i i'm just not used to.

on tuesday i went to see my friend jenny up north. we went to see in good company... so this was my 3rd movie in janurary! crazy! i mean i use to go to the movies maybe 3 times a year and here i was watching 3 movies in 1 month! i felt really guilty for having so much fun and spending on entertainment... i grew up living very cheaply! haha well i think i emotionally connected with "spanglish" the most but enjoyed "in good company" the most... it is a thouroughly entertaining movie! it had a great balance of humour and drama. and closer was really smart movie.. i felt so much more grown up following the complexities of their relationships... it like a realist film with huge hollywood actors. and it made me wish i could be natalie portman even more! seriously, if i could trade lives with anyone living today it would be her!

on the weekend i went over to jen's place for a sleep over with winnie and janice. we went grad dress shopping and jen got a really awesome dress! she is gonna be dazzling come this april! we went to dinner and went back to her place for movies (troy and when harry met sally) dessert and goofing around. we had this 20 minute laughing fit when we flipped through jen's photo album. the 4 of us had done this sleep over thing at the end of 1st year and here we were again doing it in our last year together in gcm. it was a full circle moment if i don't say so myself! when we did the sleep over in first year we watched bring it on and got super hyper and did cheer leader poses for jen's camera... and so we did the cheerleader poses again and laughed till we were all red from lack of oxygen! man i love being silly with my friends! there is so much to look forward to this year and i just know i'm gonna have too much fun at graduation.

posted by :: sweet layer :: @ 11:52 PM